The Things They Never Tell You
by Tanta Green
Summary: It's Christmas at Balamb Garden and no-one told Squall one of the unwritten duties that come with being in charge of Balamb Garden. One shot cutesiness just in time for the holidays. Rated for adult themes.


Disclaimer and stuff

Tanta:  I don't own Final Fantasy VIII or any of the characters.  In fact I don't even own the idea for this story.  The idea was my brothers, so I guess this fic was written by both of us.  This will be a one shot, just for the season.

Irvine (blinking in shock): This doesn't even have any hints of yaoi or shounen-ai in it at all Tanta.  Are you feeling all right?

Tanta (smiling): Yeap!  Merry Christmas everyone!

The Things They Never Tell You

"Why do I have to be an elf?"

"Oh Zell," Selphie said, putting on a mock show of concern.  "What's wrong?  I think that you look really cute as an elf, with your little fluffy hat and red fluffy outfit."

"But why did I have to cover up my tattoo?" Zell asked, tracing a hand lightly over the side of his face that had been decorated by a black tattoo less than an hour before hand.

"Come on Zell," Quistis chastised from the other side of the rather small Christmas set-up.  "Have you ever seen an elf with a tattoo before?  The kids would recognise you, and then there would be no way that they would ever buy it.  At least you're not Squall.  Can you imagine wearing the suit and cushion that he has to?"

"Whatever," came the grumbled reply from a red and white, fat and not-so-jolly man that sat in a large red seat between the three SeeDs.

Squall was ready to kill someone; someone in particular named Cid Kramer.  He probably would have already if it wasn't for the fact that the little children around him would probably ball their eyes out at the fact that Santa was actually capable of violence; and the fact that Cid knew him too well and had disappeared from sight as soon as he had let Squall know the news.

It had turned out that Cid had neglected to tell Squall one of the unwritten duties of being the leader of Balamb Garden.  Every year, during the season to be jolly and spend a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas gifts and cards, the leader of the Garden had donned the fluffy red and white suit of good St. Nick and spent at least a day amusing the junior class-men with promises of gifts.  This year, it was Squall's turn.

He didn't do jolly.

However, the ever bubbly Selphie had been so insistent, and had offered to be an elf and take all the photos, and she had promised him that she would try and get Quistis and Zell to also play the part of elves.

And so he found himself sitting on Santa's seat near Balamb Garden's front gate, as child after child sat on his lap and asked for presents that they would more than likely never get, while parents shook their heads and looked worried in the background.

Zell mumbled something else and scratched at the pointy red hat that had been placed on his head.

"I think it suits you chicken-wuss!" a voice called from the sidelines.

Seifer stood just outside of the display, and was obviously doing his best not to crack up at the sight of the four of them in full Christmas gear.

Zell began to shake with rage in a thoroughly unelflike way, which just caused Seifer to lose his concentration and begin to laugh aloud.

Santa and his elves attention was quickly taken away from Seifer however, when a rather tall and red headed cowboy entered the scene, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw his four friends dressed up for the season.

"Just great," Zell thought.  "More pay-outs."

Irvine didn't move for a while.  He just stood there, staring at all the tinsel and mistletoe, before a huge smile crossed his face.

"Santa!" he cried happily.  "Wow!  I didn't think that you would come to Balamb!"

Irvine jumped over the small white picket fence that had been erected around the display and ran towards Squall.

It was probably lucky for Squall that Selphie stopped Irvine from running straight up to him and sitting on his lap.

Irvine looked at the girl with some confusion, before the smile emerged on his face once more.

"Wow Sephie!  I didn't know that you were an elf!  Does it pay well?"

Seifer at this stage was practically rolling around on the floor with laughter.

Irvine remained clueless and turned to look towards Santa and the other elves.  Quistis was trying very hard to keep her laughter down to a small chuckle.  Zell was staring at Irvine in disbelief.

"Uh… Irvine…" Selphie began, for once in her life speechless.  "Don't Santa and the two other elves remind you of someone?"

Irvine looked towards the three of them.

"Nope," he answered.  "Although that blonde female elf does look rather familiar.  Have we met before?"

This was too much for Quistis and she erupted into all out laughter.  Zell began to giggle nervously.  Selphie gave up and let Irvine walk up to the Squall-Santa.

"Santa," Irvine started nervously.  "I was wondering if this year you could give me one of those really cool rifles with the automatic reload and recoil with the silver embossing and wooden handle?"

"Whatev… Ow."  Santa's reply was quickly changed as Quistis tactfully elbowed him in the side.  "I'll see what I can do," he said, giving Quistis a rather nasty look.

"Hello Santa!"

Squall looked past the cowboy to discover a whirlwind of blue fabric and black hair running straight towards him with a red Santa style hat placed on her head.

Quistis shook her head as Santa pushed past Irvine and plonked herself down on Squall's lap.

"So," she began, looking Squall dead in the eye.  "Have I been a good or bad girl this year?"  She sent a wink in Squall's reaction and deliberately moved herself around on his lap.

"Rinoa," Irvine hesitated, sounding rather nervous.  "I don't know whether Squall would like you doing that.  He might get jealous."

Seifer began laughing so hard that the others began to worry that he might hurt himself.

It took Rinoa a couple of moments before she realised that Irvine had not recognised the man in the Santa suit.

When she did however, she giggled, and placed a kiss right on Squall's lips.

"Rinoa!" Irvine sounded shocked.  "After all we did to get the two of you together, you start flirting with an old fat man!"

Squall began to shake his head.  He really wished that Cid had told him this before he had become the Garden's leader.  He looked around at Seifer, still laughing, Zell who was also starting to laugh, Quistis who had completely lost control over her giggling, the dumbfounded Irvine, and of course, the beautiful woman sitting on his lap and smirking.

Then again, he decided, it was always the little things that they never told you that made the job worthwhile.

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Irvine: Not fair.  Why do I have to be clueless in this fic?

Tanta (pointedly ignoring Irvine): So guys, what did you think?  It's just a little something Christmassy to light up the holidays a bit for you.  Please review!


End file.
